Why You Can't Relax Even When Everything's Fine (Your Nervous System Is Stuck)
You're not broken. Your body is just stuck in survival mode — and that changes everything about how you heal.
Doctors kept telling me I was fine. "Just stressed," they said. "Try to relax more."
But I couldn't relax. That was the whole problem.
Exhaustion that sleep couldn't fix. Brain fog so thick I couldn't hold a thought. Anxiety that showed up even when nothing was wrong. A constant background hum of tension that never fully released.
I wasn't fine. I was trapped in a body that felt like it was screaming for help while everyone told me to meditate more.
Then I discovered something that changed everything: My nervous system was stuck in survival mode from decades of unprocessed trauma.
My body wasn't broken. It was protecting me the only way it knew how.
What's Actually Happening in Your Body
Your nervous system is your unconscious operating system. It decides who you attract, what you tolerate, how you respond to stress, and whether you can actually rest.
And here's what most people don't realise: Your nervous system seeks what's familiar, not what's healthy.
If chaos was your childhood normal, peace will feel wrong. If hypervigilance kept you safe, relaxation will feel dangerous. If you learned that stillness meant invisibility, rest will feel like death.
This isn't a mindset problem. It's biology.
The Three Nervous System States
Polyvagal theory changed everything I knew about healing. Here are the three states your nervous system moves between:
Ventral Vagal (Safe & Social) This is home base. Where connection happens. Where creativity flows. Where you can be present with yourself and others. Where your body actually rests and repairs.
Sympathetic (Fight or Flight) Activation. Anxiety. The need to DO something. Heart racing, muscles tense, scanning for threats. This state is meant to be temporary — get away from danger, then return to safety.
Dorsal Vagal (Freeze/Shutdown) When fight and flight aren't options, the body shuts down. Numbness. Disconnection. Depression. The "I can't" feeling. Playing dead to survive.
Trauma keeps us stuck in the survival states — bouncing between fight/flight and freeze — never able to access the safe/social state where life actually happens.
8 Signs Your Nervous System Is Stuck in Survival Mode
1. You Can't Relax Even When You're Safe
Everyone says you're safe. Logically, you know you're safe. But your body doesn't believe it.
You're scanning the room. Listening for footsteps. Waiting for the other shoe to drop. The hypervigilance that once protected you now runs 24/7, burning through your energy reserves.
This isn't paranoia. It's your nervous system still responding to danger that ended years ago.
2. Anxiety That Won't Quit (No Matter What You Try)
Years of medication. Therapy. Meditation. Journaling. And still the anxiety persists.
Here's why: Anxiety isn't a mental problem. It's your nervous system stuck in sympathetic activation — a body problem.
You can't think your way out of a body state. Your nervous system doesn't care about your insights. It needs a different experience.
3. Exhaustion That Sleep Doesn't Fix
You sleep eight hours and wake up tired. Rest feels impossible. Even on holiday, you can't switch off.
When your nervous system is stuck in survival mode, it doesn't matter how much you rest or how well you eat. Your body literally can't relax because it thinks you're still in danger from something that happened 20 years ago.
The exhaustion isn't laziness. It's your body burning fuel on high alert around the clock.
4. Digestive Issues, Chronic Pain, or Mystery Symptoms
Anxiety, insomnia, digestive issues — all nervous system dysregulation.
Your body keeps perfect score of your trauma timeline. That chronic back pain? Lack of support. The tight jaw? Words you never said. Digestive problems? Can't "digest" your emotions.
Traditional treatment addresses symptoms. Somatic healing addresses the source.
5. You Shut Down or Explode in Conflict
In crucial moments — before difficult conversations, during conflict — your system hijacks you.
Either you flood with rage and say things you regret. Or you freeze, go blank, can't access words. Or you flee — physically leaving or emotionally checking out.
These aren't character flaws. They're automatic protective responses. Your nervous system is trying to save you from what it perceives as threat.
6. Intimacy Feels Unsafe (Even When You Want It)
You want connection. You crave closeness. But when someone gets too close, something in you pulls away.
Here's why: Your capacity for intimacy is governed by your autonomic nervous system. Success runs on sympathetic activation (fight/flight) while connection requires ventral vagal activation (safety).
No wonder high achievers struggle with relationships — you're literally running on different biological operating systems for work and love.
7. You Can't Be Alone Without Distraction
Silence feels unbearable. Stillness brings anxiety. You need noise, screens, activity, anything to avoid being present with yourself.
This is your nervous system avoiding what it can't yet process. The moment you slow down, the unfelt feelings start to surface. So you stay busy to stay safe.
8. "Good" Feels Suspicious
When things are going well, you wait for disaster. Happiness feels fragile. You can't enjoy the moment because you're bracing for impact.
Your nervous system learned that good times precede bad times. Relaxation preceded danger. So now, peace feels like the calm before the storm.
Why Talk Therapy Often Isn't Enough
Here's the uncomfortable truth I spent thousands discovering:
"Therapist: So you understand your trauma intellectually?" "Me: Completely." "My nervous system: Still activated 24/7." "My body: Holding 40 years of tension."
You can understand your patterns perfectly and still repeat them. Because your trauma isn't stored in your thoughts — it's stored in your nervous system, your muscles, your cellular memory.
Your body doesn't care about your insights. It needs to discharge the trauma physically.
The Vagus Nerve: Your Body's Reset Button
Your vagus nerve is the master regulator of your nervous system. It's the brake pedal that tells your body it's safe to calm down.
When trauma gets stuck in your system, your vagus nerve tone weakens. The brake pedal stops working. You're stuck with your foot on the accelerator.
The good news? You can tone your vagus nerve. You can teach your body safety again.
Vagus nerve activation techniques:
Cold exposure (face, wrists, cold showers)
Humming, singing, gargling
Deep, slow exhales (longer out than in)
Gentle eye movements
Social connection with safe people
These aren't wellness tips. They're neurobiological interventions that address the root cause of dysregulation.
6 Practices That Actually Regulate Your Nervous System
These took me from dysregulated mess to regulated man. Simple, free, scientifically proven:
1. 4-7-8 Breathing Inhale for 4, hold for 7, exhale for 8. This activates your parasympathetic nervous system and signals safety.
2. Cold Exposure Cold water on your face or wrists. Cold showers. This activates the dive reflex and resets your nervous system.
3. Humming Sounds strange, works brilliantly. Humming tones your vagus nerve directly.
4. Shaking Animals shake after trauma to discharge the activation. Humans forgot how. Let your body shake for 2-3 minutes daily.
5. Bilateral Stimulation Alternating stimulation of left and right brain. Tapping, eye movements, walking. This helps process stuck trauma.
6. Grounding Feet on earth. Literally. The earth's electrons have a calming effect on your nervous system.
Start with one. Master it. Add another. Build your regulation toolkit slowly, sustainably.
Co-Regulation: Why You Can't Heal Alone
Here's something that humbled me: "I'll heal myself" is often trauma talking.
We were wounded in relationship. We heal in relationship.
Your nervous system learns from other nervous systems. If you grew up around dysregulated people, your system learned their chaos. But when you're around regulated people, your nervous system can learn their calm.
This is called co-regulation. It's why community matters. Why safe relationships accelerate healing. Why isolation reinforces patterns.
You don't have to do this alone. In fact, you can't fully do it alone.
The 60-Second Reset for When You're Activated
When panic hits, when you're flooding, when your system is hijacked — try this:
Feel your feet on the ground
Notice three things you can see
Take two slow breaths (longer exhale)
Name the feeling ("This is fear")
Place hand on heart with gentle pressure
This activates your vagus nerve and brings you back online. Takes 60 seconds. Works in board meetings, difficult conversations, 3AM panic.
What Becomes Possible When You Regulate
When I finally learned to regulate my nervous system, everything changed:
Sleep without anxiety. For the first time in decades, I could actually rest.
Presence in relationships. I stopped checking out. Started showing up.
Clear thinking under pressure. The brain fog lifted.
Energy that lasts. Not the wired, anxious energy. Real, sustainable vitality.
Intimacy without panic. I could stay present when someone got close.
Peace as a baseline. Not something to chase. Something to live from.
This isn't about becoming a different person. It's about finally having access to yourself.
Your Symptoms Have Meaning
Your anxiety isn't weakness — it's your nervous system trying to protect you from a world it wasn't designed to handle.
Your exhaustion isn't laziness — it's the cost of running on survival mode for years.
Your shutdown isn't failure — it's your body's last-resort protection when everything else failed.
These symptoms aren't problems to fix. They're signals to heed. Your body is trying to tell you something.
Are you ready to listen?
The Path Forward
Healing your nervous system isn't complicated. But it does require consistent practice.
You can't think your way to regulation. You have to feel your way there. Your body needs new experiences of safety, repeated enough times that safety becomes the new normal.
This is the foundational work in BE THE ONE — not just understanding your trauma, but releasing it from your body. Teaching your nervous system that the danger has passed. That you survived. That it's finally safe to live.
Ready to regulate?
Comment "GROUND" below or DM me on Instagram for the free Nervous System Map.
If panic is your issue, comment "SAFE" for the 3AM Panic Protocol.
Or if you know it's time for deeper work — book a freedom call and let's talk about what nervous system healing could look like for you.
Your body has been working overtime to protect you.
It's time to let it rest.
Mark Reid is the founder of Trysted Soul and creator of the BE THE ONE transformation program. After years of being stuck in survival mode — through cancer, divorce, and chronic anxiety — he discovered that healing happens in the body, not just the mind. Now he guides others from dysregulation to deep peace through somatic trauma healing and nervous system work.
