Valentine's 2026 Newsletter
Writing to you from 30,000 feet...
I am currently flying from Peru to San Diego for three and a half weeks.
Attending Dr Joe Dispenza's advanced retreat.
Reuniting with my brother Stef Sifandos for the first time in 6 years; recording a podcast together.
Leaving Samantha for the longest stretch we've had apart.
Processing the hangover of the book launch
And honestly... I am feeling all of it... and you may be too.
Valentine's Day was yesterday and whether it filled you with love or quietly reminded you of everything you don't have - both are telling you something.
For some of you it was the loneliness.
The scrolling through other people's highlight reels wondering if you'll ever have that. The fear - the real one you don't say out loud - of dying alone. Never having truly loved or been truly loved.
For others it was subtler.
You're in the relationship. They were right there. And you still felt a million miles away. Performing romance because the day demanded it while something inside you screamed that this isn't what love is supposed to feel like.
Either way - Valentine's Day didn't create that pain. It just turned the volume up on what was already there.
Keep reading because we have something that will help you with this!
The Meandering Journey Home launched last week.
My 1st book. My whole story on paper. Outside of me for the first time.
And I wasn't ready for what that actually meant.
Separating myself from the story - the story that kept me safe for so long. Even when that safety meant sabotage and self-destruction. To have it physically outside of myself isn't just a metaphor. It's a freedom. Like cutting a cord. The cord of "I am the story." When the truth is - I was never the story. I can rewrite it. And I have been for 15 years.
But writing this book brought up old layers. Old threads I thought were done. The fear of being seen. Being rejected. Judged. Ridiculed. Taken out of context. Triggering people's wounds and having them deflect and project it back onto me. And that's not just strangers - that's family and friends too.
I'm a very sentient person. If I do something, I do it 100%. So I relived every word of every paragraph of every chapter. The golf club moment with dad. The cold flat eating beans off bread in the dark. The cancer. The divorce. The moment on the freeway where reality left me and I thought I was dying. All of it. Again. In full.
It was a lot. Samantha held space for me through the hardest parts. Without her I don't know if I'd have finished it.
And then there's the stuff that's harder to talk about. People have been DM'ing me this past few weeks about the Epstein files. The systems being exposed. Asking what I think because I spoke about a lot of this 6-7 years ago. When it got me banned. Shadow banned. Shut down. Labelled a conspiracy theorist by strangers and people I loved.
And honestly? I've given that up a long time ago.
I did it for 10 years. Since the cancer. Standing for truth. Fighting injustice. Calling out the systems. And I got stuck in the duality of it. Healthcare only exists because there's sickness. The peace process only exists because there's war. If you keep coming at it from a dualistic point of view - you feed it energy.
So when I see these things now - Epstein, the files, the revelations - my first thought isn't outrage.
It's: Why now? Why are they releasing it now? What don't they want us to see?
It's all just noise. And I'd rather navigate my own inner world than waste time banging the drum against the "elite" or the cabal.
None of us are getting out of this alive.
I'd rather ask: how do I do what I love today? How do I make somebody's life better? Repeat.
But here's what I won't pretend didn't happen.
Speaking about this stuff years ago - when nobody wanted to hear it - brought up the black sheep wound in me. Hard. The kid who tried to do the right thing and got bullied for it. Who spoke up and got silenced. Who saw things nobody else could see and got punished for seeing them. Turned more people off than on. And that's two sides of the same coin too.
The deeper invitation was never about being right. It was about turning inward. And that's where the real work is.
And then there's the spiritual side of it. I've chewed glass my whole life. I am not precious about this work. But the past 3 years have been so boots on the ground - building a business from scratch in Peru, daily tests, grinding - that I got hardwired into the 3D. Lost the meditation practice that connected me to everything. Lost the flow. Lost the divine connection that used to run through my days.
And humbly - it ain't working.
I know the frequency work is what I need. I've always known. But the human fears, the loss of control, the need to push and prove - they kept pulling me back into the grind. And that's brought up something I've been sitting with: can you heal, grow spiritually, stay connected to the divine AND build, hustle, create, succeed - without one killing the other?
I think that's the real question. Not just for me. For all of us.
So I'm going back. Dr Joe's retreat. As a humble student. Not because I agree with everything - I don't. I don't agree with bypassing the past. I believe the divinity is in integrating the shadow. Seeing the perfect order running through ALL of it and letting that free you. Not meditating above the pain. Walking through it.
But his meditations gave me the downloads to write the book. The mystical experiences. The flow. And when the practice was consistent - everything worked. So I'm taking what serves and leaving what doesn't. That's mastery.
Speaking of going deep - this week's YouTube video is the most vulnerable thing I've ever put out publicly.
It's called "Divorced and Nearly Dead to Love and Success." My full story. The mask I wore for decades. The emptiness behind the success. The moment on the freeway where I collapsed onto my knees screaming for help. And how healing my trauma didn't cost me my edge — it gave me back my family.
Or comment YOUTUBE on my latest Instagram post and I'll send it to you.
And if any of this stirs something - the book, the video, this email - trust that feeling. Don't scroll past it.
The Calling in the One Masterclass is happening Tuesday 24th February. Where we go to the ROOT of why your relationships keep repeating the same pattern. Not communication tips. Not dating strategies. The actual wound that's been choosing your partners since childhood.
Comment CONNECTION on any of my posts this week and I'll send you the Relationship Quiz and get you registered.
If you're receiving this on Monday - I'm writing it from the sky. Somewhere between Peru and San Diego. And my hope is that it lands for you in the same way I'm hopeful that landing in San Diego is going to be the new foundation. For me. For Samantha and I. And for my clients and people around the world.
Look after that nervous system of yours.
Mark
